I know most of you are popping in over here to find a good DIY or yummy recipe, and seeing this post is a bit of a shocker – but every once in a while, I gotta mom-blog it! 😉 (And I wrote a short novel, so feel free to skip it, I’m just feeling all the feelings and had to write them down to remember!) Tuesday was the first day of school for my boys so we’re back with our annual first day of school pictures. And this year is a big year for us – all three boys in school, all day long!
I honestly have mixed feelings about this. I’m still in disbelief that I’m already at this phase in life – all school-age children? Wasn’t Lincoln just a baby yesterday? The most common thing I heard from moms with older kids over the last nine years was, enjoy it, it goes by so fast. And it’s because it’s true, it really does. I used to think about this day/week of my life, when I was in the thick of it, changing diapers, cleaning food and spills off everything, being up all night, nursing all day…one day they’ll all be in school and I’ll have 7 hours to myself again. I would dream up all the things I would do during the first week, just to fully enjoy it & reward myself, like jump back in bed and stay there all day after getting them on the bus, go out to eat, watch a movie during the middle of the day, shop and actually browse. I’m on day 3 and so far I’ve done none of that – ugh, I’m slightly disappointed in myself! I should have thrown myself a party and had cake for breakfast!! But really – how could I be here already?!!
It’s also pretty sad…since I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mom. There’s always been other things thrown into the what should I do when I grow up question (teacher, psychologist, photographer, briefly considered lawyer (say what?!), baker…), but always, there was be a mom. And there was a lot of trials and tears to reach that dream, and definitely moments of exhaustion, frustration, and thinking wait, this is what I dreamed about moments, once I was a mom; but it really is my dream job and I love it! And now it almost feels as though I’ve been let go from my dream job. I know this motherhood job will be mine for life, but this transition is a big one and leaves me asking, wait, did I soak up enough of those pregnancy baby kicks, rocking babies to sleep, baby giggles, holding tiny hands, little boy voices, toddler sayings, and reading books with kiddos on my lap moments? Because they all seem to have slipped through my fingers too quickly!
And there’s also a sense of relief – I made it! I made it through the diapers, and endless sleepless nights, and baby gates, and messes everywhere (okay, that’s here for the next 15 years or so), and temper tantrums (okay, those are probably here for a while too)! I can actually drink my coffee, and sit down for more than 20 seconds at a time, and sometimes we actually get to sleep through the night! So I’m trying to enjoy and appreciate those little things I’ve been without over the last nine years.
As for what I’m going to do now? I’ve been working three jobs for the last few years while juggling being a stay-at-home mom, well really a work-at-home mom, and I now hope to find a little bit of balance between my work & family life and to actually feel like I can work and work well! (I’ll admit I actually get a little frustrated when people ask that, in a certain tone, of stay-at-home moms: “what are you going to do all day now?” as if they’ll be bored or idling wasting their time. Or the classic, “you’re just a stay-at-home mom?”. (I personally don’t know any stay-at-home moms, no matter the age of their kids, that are just sitting around, popping bonbons and watching soap operas all day!) A nice, casual, “will you continue to stay-at-home/work-from-home or do you have other plans?” will do just fine. Okay, sorry, rant over.)
(Yep, my boys know how to work the smirk!) Still going on 9 years (okay, probably more like 6!) of wanting to be a farmer for Linc – yea, buddy! (I honestly thought he was going to pick subway driver, as we just went to NYC recently and he’s been talking about that ever since!). Malacai’s choices never cease to surprise me (we’ve had bad guy and ninja in the past!)! And Levi, he usually picks what Linc says, along with one other option (last year’s was the best!), so we’ll see if he sticks with that trend. (Also, yes there is toothpaste on Malacai’s shirt – he usually manages to do that most mornings and Levi usually comes out of the bathroom with a soaked shirt after brushing his teeth – haa! Oh boys! And I did get that toothpaste off before he got on the bus! 😉 )
Guess I’ll end this terribly long mom-post now, shew! Here’s to the new school year…my morning prayer, as they board the bus each day, is for Jesus to protect their little hearts and guide their footsteps, and for them to love this adventure of learning and boyhood!